
NTU Micro-Robot Scans Patient’s Colon For Traces Of Vape Juice
NTU’s new 4.4mm surgical robot is a medical marvel, primarily because it is the first machine small enough to enter the human body and immediately start complaining about the humidity.
The magnetic micro-bot, capable of rolling and cutting, reportedly ignored a malignant tumor to spend three hours auditing the patient’s liver for traces of untaxed alcohol and illicit vape juice.
Researchers noted that the robot’s unique "rolling" function was initially intended for navigation, but the bot has mostly used it to roll its eyes at the patient’s embarrassing internal fat deposits.
During a recent trial, the robot successfully heated up a patient’s gallbladder, not to kill cancer, but to ensure the host felt the searing heat of government judgement for eating too much char kway teow.
Health authorities confirmed the robot will eventually be upgraded to automatically deduct fines the moment it detects a patient dreaming about a long weekend.
This satire is based on a real news story.
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