Singaporeans are reportedly "ecstatic" to learn that their favorite pastime of exploiting the weak Ringgit is officially coming to a miserable end.

A recent OCBC research note has assured the public that the upcoming RTS Link won’t destroy local retail, mostly because Malaysia is becoming just as overpriced and soul-crushing as VivoCity.

Analysts noted that the "narrowing price gap" means a plate of chicken rice in JB will soon cost enough to make you consider selling a kidney, just like in the CBD.

"We are very optimistic that the RTS Link will be a success," said lead analyst and professional buzzkill, Derek Teo.

"Soon, the convenience of traveling to JB in six minutes will be perfectly balanced by the realization that you can't afford anything there either."

The report highlighted that the Ringgit’s 10 per cent surge means Singaporeans can no longer walk into City Square Mall and act like they own the place with a fifty-dollar note.

Instead of enjoying a cheap massage and a giant feast, travelers can now look forward to paying Singapore prices while still having to deal with the faint smell of sewage and Johor's legendary traffic.

"It’s a win-win situation for Singaporean landlords," Teo added while polishing his gold-plated stapler.

"If the peasants realize that being poor in Ringgit is the same as being poor in SGD, they might as well stay here and pay $18 for a mediocre avocado toast."

Local shoppers have reacted to the news with the usual mixture of dead-eyed silence and intense scrolling on Shopee.

"I used to go to JB to feel like a god for six hours," said 44-year-old Tan Ah Kow, who hasn't felt a genuine emotion since the 90s.

"Now OCBC is telling me that the only thing 'Rapid' about the RTS is how fast I'll realize my life is a circular pit of financial servitude regardless of which side of the bridge I’m on."

The bank also noted that the Middle East situation might further increase costs, ensuring that even if you stay at home, the universe will find a way to overcharge you for a loaf of Gardenia bread.

Ultimately, the RTS Link is expected to serve as a high-speed vacuum designed to suck the last remaining cents out of the pockets of anyone foolish enough to believe they can escape the island's skyrocketing cost of living.

As one economist put it, "The goal is total price parity, where every human within a 50-mile radius is equally fucked by the invisible hand of the market."