Statistics confirm that one-third of the population is currently engaged in a high-stakes war of attrition against their own sphincters.

Medical professionals believe the national obsession with scrolling TikTok while straining for 45 minutes has turned local rectums into fragile, blood-filled party balloons.

"Aiyoh, my backside like one bunch of MSW durian already, every time I go toilet is like giving birth to pineapple, sibeh jialat," complained a local data analyst.

The authorities are reportedly considering replacing the Merlion with a giant, throbbing purple vein to celebrate the city’s collective rectal failure.

Surgeons suggest that Sinkies either consume a single green vegetable or accept that their internal organs are staging a slow-motion escape through their trousers.