The Singapore Botanic Gardens has announced that the National Orchid Garden will now strictly enforce a "Minimum Net Worth" entry requirement for all visitors.

The decision comes after several *Dendrobiums* complained that being photographed by people with Android phones was giving them a severe fungal infection.

Management stated that from Monday, any orchid named after a visiting dignitary will be fitted with motion-activated pepper spray to deter the "sweaty, unwashed masses."

"Why should these botanical masterpieces endure the gaze of a man in a Decathlon singlet?" asked a spokesperson.

Local gardener Ah Huat agreed, noting the plants' increasing arrogance.

"Walao, these flowers damn action sia, I try to water them they tell me 'don't touch, I only drink Evian'," he complained.

If a visitor’s bank balance is deemed too low, the *Vanda Miss Joaquim* will reportedly wilt instantly in a display of pure, unadulterated classism.