The People's Association has officially reclassified Community Club ballroom dancing as a Category 1 combat sport following a spike in glitter-related casualties.

What was intended as a harmless way to burn SkillsFuture credits has devolved into a savage arena of geriatric dominance and sequinned violence.

"I tell you ah, Auntie Peggy’s Waltz moves more dangerous than commando training, she use the stiletto heel like bayonet sia," remarked witness Lim Ah Kow.

The smell of Tiger Balm and unbridled lust now permeates the multipurpose halls, as seniors trade their mobility aids for aggressive pelvic thrusts.

"Wah lau, Uncle Teck so old already still want to do the Samba, yesterday he spin until his dentures fly out and hit the instructor!" said another bystander.

Government officials are considering mandatory riot gear for all participants to prevent further hip fractures during the Rumba.

Despite the carnage, the classes remain oversubscribed by retirees eager to assert their dominance over the parquet floor.