Tan Tock Seng Hospital has unveiled a revolutionary neural interface that allows paralyzed patients to communicate by blinking, and the results are as petty as expected.

The $2,500 device translates brainwaves into text, finally giving the voiceless a platform to be as annoying as every other Singaporean.

In the first clinical trial, 64-year-old stroke survivor Uncle Lim spent three hours meticulously blinking to compose a message that simply read: "Why the nurse so ugly?"

Medical staff were moved to tears as the machine captured his focused thoughts, which mostly consisted of asking why the air-con was set to 24 degrees instead of 18.

"It’s a miracle," said Senior Mouth Scientist Zenne T’ng, while dodging a tray of bland porridge Lim had rejected via a series of aggressive rapid-fire blinks.

"Previously, we had to guess if patients were in pain. Now we know for a fact that Lim wants to tell his son he’s a useless waste of space for not buying the 4D number he saw in a dream."

Future updates for the device include a "Kiasu Mode," which allows patients to blink 400 times a minute to reserve a seat in the hospital cafeteria from their ICU beds.

The hospital confirms that being unable to move does not stop a local Sinkie from being a total prick.