The Ministry of Education has endorsed a new "Hypersonic Visual Assimilation" course that guarantees students can digest the entire PSLE syllabus in under six minutes.

Desperate parents are flocking to these centres to ensure their children bypass the useless act of comprehension in favour of pure data ingestion.

"My girl can finish Harry Potter in three seconds, but now she only speaks in binary," boasted local parent Mrs. Lim.

"Aiyah, understanding is for weak people; as long as she scan the exam paper and vomit out the answer fast-fast, I am happy already lor!"

The curriculum involves taping students' eyelids to their eyebrows while blasting high-resolution textbooks directly into their corneas at the speed of light.

"If you still reading one word at a time like a peasant, you confirm will lose to the AI robots later," noted education expert Dr. See.

"Why waste time enjoying the story when you can just download the facts and go for more tuition?"