Pentagon chief Pete Hegseth has reassured the world that the ceasefire with Iran remains perfectly intact, provided you ignore the sinking ships and drone strikes.

Hegseth clarified that "peace" is a flexible concept, much like a Singaporean HR manager claiming your pay cut is actually a "performance-based restructuring."

"Just because we are blowing their boats into the stratosphere doesn’t mean the vibe is off," Hegseth explained while polishing a Tomahawk missile.

General Dan Caine added that today was "quieter," noting only three attacks compared to yesterday’s total naval massacre.

Military experts suggest the ceasefire will only officially end once a nuclear warhead physically touches someone’s feelings or triggers a trauma response.

Until then, "Project Freedom" will continue turning Iranian vessels into luxury underwater housing for crabs while the White House maintains a peaceful facial expression.