Prime Minister Lawrence Wong informed ASEAN leaders that if a single cargo ship is delayed, he will personally execute the nearest dolphin in protest.

He explained that "navigational rights" are the legal bedrock allowing Singapore to pretend it isn't just a glorified parking lot for billionaire yachts.

"If the Strait of Hormuz closes and my imported grapes are even slightly mushy, I will trigger the self-destruct sequence on the ASEAN charter," Wong warned.

The PM emphasized that supply chain resilience is a diplomatic term for making sure his overseas parcels arrive before his dopamine levels crash.

He later proposed that ASEAN members should stop arguing about human rights and focus on the primary right that matters: moving plastic crap across the ocean.

"A blocked sea lane is essentially a violent attack on my wealth," Wong concluded while using a map of the Malacca Strait as a fancy napkin.