
Police Search For Missing Man Who Looks Exactly Like 40,000 Uncles
The Singapore Police Force has paused the space-time continuum to search for Ng Choon Siong, a 55-year-old man who achieved a level of invisibility previously known to stealth bombers and delivery riders.
Last seen in Bedok North wearing a grey T-shirt and grey shorts, Ng has effectively become a ghost in an urban landscape made of wet concrete and misery.
"We are receiving thousands of tips," said Inspector Tan, while staring at a CCTV feed of a crowd that looked like a vibrating slate-grey smudge.
"Unfortunately, every single male over 50 in the East is currently wearing the exact same Uniqlo clearance rack outfit and looking for a seat."
Experts suggest Ng may not be missing, but has simply vibrated at a frequency that allows him to merge with the HDB corridor walls.
Witnesses at the hawker center claim to have seen 'some guy,' but the description matched 84% of patrons complaining about the price of eggs.
Authorities are now asking the public to look for any man who doesn't look like heβs waiting for a lottery win, as that might be someone else.
If you see a man who looks like a sentient piece of gravel, please call the hotline before he disappears into the pebble dash.
This satire is based on a real news story.
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