The rare lesser mousedeer spotted at Pasir Ris Park at 3am was reportedly just trying to find a quiet bush to take a shit in before being harassed by a siao lang Stomper.

Wildlife experts confirm the "living fossil" was visibly shaken after witnessing four different middle-aged uncles engaging in a sweaty "sausage party" near the public toilets.

"I was just looking for some fallen fruit, but instead I saw a guy in a faded SAF singlet doing things that would make a monitor lizard vomit," the mousedeer probably barked in Hokkien.

The Stomper, who was presumably at the park at 3am to stalk an ex-boyfriend or avoid her mother-in-law, immediately began screaming "Hello!" like a total cibai.

The animal, which weighs less than a pack of tax-evaded cigarettes, sprinted away to avoid being featured on a TikTok channel for brain-dead boomers.

NParks officials have since reminded the public that while mousedeer numbers are rising, the number of lonely weirdos roaming dark parks with phone cameras remains the biggest threat to the ecosystem.

"The poor creature just wanted a snack, not a cameo in some auntie’s low-res fever dream," one ranger noted while clearing away discarded condoms and Tiger Beer cans.

The mousedeer has since relocated to a more private location, likely a secret basement in Geylang where people mind their own fucking business.