The Singapore Armed Forces has successfully pioneered a way to replace human blood with lukewarm Newater through the daily ritual of the Water Parade.

This tactical drowning exercise ensures every recruit is sufficiently bloated to survive a desert trek or a humid walk to the cookhouse.

Commanders watched with sociopathic delight as teenagers desperately forced 1.5 litres of fluid down their throats while standing at attention.

"Drink until you can feel the water in your brain, understand?!" screamed Corporal First Class Heng.

"If I don't hear one loud 'GULP', I make you knock it down until you vomit out a swimming pool, blur fuck!"

The SAF maintains that waterboarding yourself is the only way to prevent heatstroke in a country that is essentially a giant outdoor sauna.

Military scientists confirm that the average recruit now possesses the bladder capacity of a humpback whale and the internal pressure of a fire hydrant.

"My stomach sound like washing machine every time I run, I think I going to die," complained Recruit Low while desperately searching for a bush to ruin.

Safety officers remain confident that as long as soldiers are perpetually leaking from every orifice, the nation is safe from external threats.