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Singapore Slurp: SG Couples Successfully Replace Physical Intimacy With Mutual Lactic Acid
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SG Couples Successfully Replace Physical Intimacy With Mutual Lactic Acid

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Chloe Ong
Sunday 3rd May 2026 @ 06:00 SST
ðŸĪŠ834

Singaporean couples are officially ditching the bedroom for the HIIT studio in a desperate attempt to feel a pulse.

Local relationships now thrive solely on the shared agony of competitive burpees and overpriced gym memberships.

Experts suggest that the sight of a partner dry-heaving after a treadmill sprint is now more erotic than a candlelit dinner.

"Last time we do the deed, now we just do the deadlift until I see stars," said local fitness masochist, Cheryl Tan.

"Sex so tiring one, better we go Spartan Race and suffer together like dog, then can post IG to show we very power."

This trend ensures the only thing getting raised in the bedroom is the collective blood pressure of two people too exhausted to touch each other.

The government is reportedly considering subsidising gym chalk to boost the birth rate, though results remain significantly limp.

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