Local salaryman Jason Tan spent his entire month’s savings on gold-flecked risotto at a Dempsey restaurant yesterday.

The investment was a desperate attempt to mark three years of mutual loathing with his long-suffering girlfriend, Cheryl.

Despite the $60 surcharge for a table near an air-conditioning vent, the atmosphere remained as frigid as Cheryl’s libido.

"Wah lau, the wagyu so small but price like gold, better have some action tonight ah," Jason whispered while sweating through his polyester blazer.

Cheryl, preoccupied with finding the perfect filter for her overpriced shellfish, barely noticed the man she plans to ghost once his credit limit peaks.

"Post IG first lah, if never post, my friends think he poor and I not standard," she told reporters while swatting away Jason’s hopeful hand.

The evening concluded with a silent commute and a lukewarm promise of heavy petting.