Singaporean singles are now legally required to obtain a notarized signature from their siblings before attempting any bedroom gymnastics.

The Ministry of Family Values introduced the "Sticking Your Nose In" policy to ensure no Sinkie dates below their social station.

"Wah lao, my brother say her nose too big, so I have to blue-ball myself lor," lamented local bachelor, Kelvin Teo.

Meanwhile, mothers have begun installing "Judgement Cameras" in hotel rooms to provide real-time coaching on reproductive efficiency.

"Eh boy, you don't move like that, your sister say you look like dying fish!" shouted Mdm. Low from the live-feed monitor.

Relationships have effectively become a high-stakes board meeting where the CEO is your psychotic tiger mom.

"You think your sister easy to please ah? Bring that girl home, confirm she kena roasted like char siew!"