Singapore’s LTA has officially authorised tactical air strikes against any renegade PMD riders spotted on public footpaths.

The ban successfully turned thousands of food delivery riders into Olympic-level marathon runners overnight.

Enforcement officers have been issued high-velocity tranquiliser darts to neutralise rogue uncles doing 12km/h.

“LTA very steady one, now I walk also scared kena sniper from HDB rooftop,” remarked pedestrian Ah Bee.

Authorities confirmed the sound of a whining electric motor is now legally classified as a declaration of war.

Hospital A&E departments report fewer scooter crashes but a massive surge in delivery riders dying of pure exhaustion.

“My legs like jelly liao, but at least no more ‘beep beep’ behind me lor,” sobbed one former rider.