The Land Transport Authority has unveiled its "Service With A Smile Or A Sentence" initiative, mandating that all bus captains must greet commuters with a terrifyingly high-pitched "Good Morning!" or face immediate corporal punishment. To ensure compliance, cabins now feature facial-recognition sensors measuring the exact curvature of a driver’s grin.

"I tell you ah, I drive 12 hours, leg pain, still must say 'Hello' to those aunties who stare at me like I owe them money," lamented driver Ah Seng. "If I never smile, the LTA buzzer go 'BEEP' and my seat give me small electric shock. My backside now very sensitive, lah!"

Officials believe forcing exhausted workers to perform state-mandated emotional labour will finally mask the pungent smell of collective misery on the 190.