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Singapore Slurp: Singapore Government Forms Workgroup To Legislate Mandatory Foreplay For All Sinkies
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Singapore Government Forms Workgroup To Legislate Mandatory Foreplay For All Sinkies

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Sarah Lim
Sunday 8th March 2026 @ 09:00 SST
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The Singapore government has concluded that Sinkies are failing to breed because they lack a clear Ministerial directive on how to properly bone.

Indranee Rajah’s workgroup will spend millions determining if a "National Orgasm KPI" can prevent the total extinction of the local taxpayer.

The "Parenthood Reset" involves replacing your bedside photos with a life-sized portrait of the Cabinet cheering you on during climax.

Future "Baby Bonuses" will be paid based on how much enthusiasm you show, as measured by mandatory Smart Nation bedroom sensors.

Citizens are reminded that every unused condom is a direct insult to the state and a violent threat to our future workforce.

If you are too tired to reproduce, please submit a FormSG explaining why sleep is more important than the survival of the GDP.

This satire is based on a real news story.

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