In a visionary attempt to turn HDB stairwells into a premium pay-per-view experience, authorities are considering installing ERP gantries at the Skyville elevators.

MP Joan Pereira suggested that if the public insists on engaging in "obscene activities," they should at least contribute to the nation’s GDP via a tiered entrance fee.

The new "Lust-and-Litter" levy will ensure that only high-net-worth Sinkies have the financial liquidity to urinate on the 47th-floor landing.

To improve the viewing experience, new 8K CCTV cameras will be installed so grassroots volunteers can monitor every thrust in cinematic detail for "security purposes."

Residents are relieved that their million-dollar BTO flats will finally feature live entertainment, provided the participants tap their EZ-Link cards before getting down to business.

Nothing screams "Singapore Success" like a government-mandated, gantry-controlled orgy with a view of the CBD.