National Parks Board officials have confirmed that Singapore's community gardens are now officially designated as "unregulated combat zones" for senior citizens.

What was intended as a wholesome hobby has devolved into a savage landscape of stolen fertiliser and sabotaged bitter gourds.

Local resident Mdm Tan, seen sharpening a rusty trowel, was vocal about her neighbour’s recent harvest of illicit curry leaves.

"Wah lau, that siao char bor take my pandan leaves again, I tell you ah, next time I see her, I use my pruning shears cut her ears off!"

The government has responded by installing high-definition cameras to monitor the illicit trade of bootleg compost behind the void deck.

Experts suggest the adrenaline rush of guarding a single sprig of laksa leaf is the only thing keeping the elderly from total boredom.

"You think this is for fun is it? This is survival of the fittest, liao!" shouted an uncle while booby-trapping his kailan patch.