The Singapore Food Agency has reached a new milestone in food security by approving a meat alternative that is technically not illegal to ingest.

Scientists in Jurong confirmed the new 'vessel-grown protein' was harvested from a petri dish that hasn't seen sunlight since the 1970s.

"Wah lau, last time eat chicken got bone, now only got this wet sponge texture," remarked local foodie Tan Ah Kow while poking a translucent grey cube.

The lab-grown flesh is engineered to mimic the exact consistency of a damp floor cloth soaked in MSG and national pride.

"The taste a bit like rubber band, but no bird flu, can save money for my COE mah," said another resident.

Government officials claim the bio-slurry is the future, ensuring no citizen has to experience the horror of eating an actual animal with a personality.

Plans are already underway to bio-engineer a "Kiasu" variant that aggressively consumes other proteins in the fridge to ensure dominance.