Local university students are reportedly burning their First-Class Honours degrees to pursue the prestigious career of steering a twelve-meter metal box through peak-hour traffic.

With a $20,000 signing bonus on the table, desperate Sinkies are realizing that being a "Bus Captain" sounds significantly more alpha than being a "Junior Associate" who cries in the office toilet.

Kiasu parents, who previously only accepted doctors or lawyers as sons-in-law, are now seen aggressively hunting for men in sweaty SBS Transit uniforms at the Bedok interchange.

"My son is a Captain," one auntie bragged while conveniently ignoring the fact that he spends twelve hours a day being yelled at by senile boomers for missing a stop.

The government’s plan to "professionalize" the role involves training drivers how to ignore frantic commuters running for the closing doors with the icy coldness of a corporate executioner.

Finally, Singaporeans have found a way to earn five figures without having to pretend they enjoy LinkedIn networking.