Singapore’s malls have finally solved the loneliness epidemic by transforming nursing rooms into exclusive, VIP viewing galleries for middle-aged strangers with zero boundaries.

Why pay for a movie ticket when you can sit on a plush armchair and blast Douyin videos at max volume while a frantic mother tries to wrestle a loaded diaper two feet away?

Management is delighted that these "incubator-adjacent" spaces now serve as communal kitchens for anyone needing free hot water for their thermos.

"Hello, air-con so cold, why must go outside?" shouted one squatter who refused to budge.

"This room got chair, got water, and the baby cry sound is like 4D movie experience, very immersive one!"

Authorities hope this new ‘Shared Trauma’ initiative will magically fix the birth rate.