The Ministry of Defence has intensified Pulau Tekong’s "Turnout" drills by simulating a direct hydrogen bomb hit on the cookhouse.

Recruits were seen Leopard Crawling through imaginary radioactive fallout while ensuring their "kiwi-ed" boots remained reflective enough to blind God.

High-ranking brass insisted that if a recruit cannot maintain a "stand-by-bed" level of cleanliness during an apocalypse, the SAF has failed.

"Eh, why you slow like turtle? If nuclear bomb drop, you still want to wait for your BMT girlfriend is it?" screamed Sergeant Tan.

The drill concluded with a 24-kilometre route march through the sun’s core, which the Medical Officer deemed "manageable" with enough prickly heat powder.

"You think enemy wait for you to wear underwear ah? Even if world end, your locker must be five-step, bodoh!" the Sergeant added while sipping iced Milo.