The much-anticipated annual live-firing exercise, infamous for its unpredictable scheduling, descended into farce yesterday when the entire battalion was forced into an emergency 8-hour “Stand-By-Order” because the armoury officer misplaced the key to the only working ‘Chao Da’ (mouldy/stale) *roti prata* rations. Recruits, having been woken at 0300h for the 0500h shoot, were initially disciplined. However, the mood soured rapidly. “*Aiyo, I can already smell the mosquito coils burning in my bunk, still must wait,*” grumbled Private Tan, whilst polishing the same boot eyelet for the fifth time. An unnamed superior officer explained the delay with customary stoicism: “It’s *sian* lah. We cannot fire unless the *siao* armourer finds the key. Maybe got eat already, cannot remember where put.” Military analysts confirm that, statistically, Singaporean servicemen spend 30% more time waiting for misplaced equipment than actually firing it. The range day was eventually postponed until next Tuesday, or possibly the next General Election.