The National Environment Agency (NEA) has escalated its war on dengue by authorising inspectors to perform tactical "moisture breaches" using explosive charges on HDB front doors. The new directive allows officers to bypass the "polite knocking" phase, which the agency deems an inefficient use of time when potential larvae are currently plotting the downfall of the Republic in a stray bottle cap.

"I just wake up only, they already inside my bedroom checking my belly button for sweat," lamented Toa Payoh resident, Jerry Low. "I tell them, 'Eh, this one lint only, not mosquito nursery!' But they still want to poke and prod. My wife crying because they summon her for having too much saliva in her mouth during sleep. Everything also fine, everything also check. I think next time they check my tears if I cry too much."

NEA officials confirmed that any citizen found "unacceptably damp" will be forcibly dehydrated on-site.