In a bold move to achieve "Zero-Mozzie" status, the Singapore government has authorised NEA inspectors to enter homes via ventilation ducts and toilet bowls.

Officers are now equipped with high-tech moisture sensors capable of detecting a single molecule of H2O hidden within a damp dishcloth or a sweaty armpit.

Homeowners found with "criminally moist" surfaces face immediate deportation to Pulau Tekong for life-long mosquito-net weaving.

"Liddat also cannot, siao eh! I just wipe my table only, then the officer come knock my door say I building water park for Aedes," complained local resident Tan Ah Kow.

Another resident, Mdm Wong, was seen frantically blow-drying her kitchen sink after an inspector was spotted rappelling down her HDB block.

"I so scared, I even blow-dry my own saliva now, later they say my mouth is breeding ground then how?" she whispered while hiding her wet laundry in the microwave.

The NEA reminded citizens that any liquid, including tears of joy, constitutes a national security threat.