In a desperate attempt to mask their financial inadequacy, thousands of Singaporeans descended upon Marina Bay Sands to engage in "aspirational loitering."

The ritual involves hovering outside luxury boutiques while emitting a faint aroma of discounted laksa and existential dread.

Security guards are ordered to only taser peasants whose nasal mucus physically touches the Chanel storefront.

"I just come here enjoy air-con and act rich, but my bank account got ten dollars only," said witness Lim Kopi.

"Look only no need pay, but the staff look at me like cockroach, so I just lepak lor!"

Analysts suggest the carbon dioxide exhaled by broke citizens is the only thing keeping the mall’s overpriced ecosystem alive.