While Israel turns Beirut into a smoking crater and Trump threatens to delete Iran’s entire civilization, the Singapore government has responded with its most potent tactical weapon: making civil servants sweat like fucking pigs.

Authorities confirmed that setting office air-con to 25°C is a high-level geopolitical masterstroke designed to confuse Iranian missiles with the scent of fermented armpits.

"If the world is ending, we must at least save fifty cents on the PUB bill," noted one official while wringing out his sweat-soaked Uniqlo polo.

With COE at $118,000, Sinkies are reminded that dying in a nuclear blast is a massive waste of a perfectly good deposit.

Honestly, if the heat doesn’t kill you, the kiasu policy-making surely will.