NParks has officially rebranded the treacherous gravel slopes of Pulau Ubin as the nation’s premier "Human Culling Facilities."

The move follows a record-breaking weekend where seventeen office workers attempted to defy gravity on rusty rentals, resulting in more skin grafts than a burns unit.

Local wild boars have reportedly begun charging admission to watch middle-aged men in Lycra perform involuntary backflips into mosquito-infested swamps.

“Wah lau, the path more bumpy than my grandmother’s face, I fly until like Superman then land like prata,” remarked one victim while picking gravel out of his teeth.

Authorities confirmed that the lack of safety barriers is a deliberate feature designed to weed out those who think "leisurely cycle" includes vertical rock faces.

“If they die, they die lor, at least the monitor lizard got buffet,” added a nearby bicycle shop owner.