The Ministry of Culture has officially designated queueing at Singapore Pools as the nation’s premier Olympic endurance sport.

Thousands of retirees are undergoing high-intensity training by standing in the midday sun to achieve peak financial delusion.

"My legs damn pain but my heart very 'Huat' one," said 80-year-old Lim Ah Huat, while nursing a heatstroke-induced hallucination.

"Government say we must stay active, so I come here to exercise my wallet and my patience lor!"

Critics argue this is a monumental waste of human potential, but experts claim it is the only way to suffer without a permit.

Authorities plan to install oxygen masks to ensure citizens don't die before donating their life savings to the state.