Singapore’s “30 by 30” food security dream has finally birthed its first miracle: a single head of hydroponic bok choy that costs more than a luxury Swiss watch. By transforming HDB multi-storey car parks into high-tech greenhouses, the government has ensured that while citizens might starve, the vegetables live in air-conditioned, LED-lit splendour.

“Walao, this one not normal veg leh,” said urban farmer, Benz Seah. “The flavor profile is very complex—got notes of Grade 95 petrol and PMD battery fire. We charge $90 per gram because the kale needs to listen to K-Pop 24/7 to grow properly.”

Despite the prices, authorities insist this is the future. Local resident Mdm Siew was less convinced. “Siao ah! $15 for one small organic tomato? I buy from JB only $2. This rooftop farm only good for bird to pass pusing. Sustainability my foot, my wallet also cannot sustain liao!”