The Housing Development Board has successfully rebranded "affordable housing" into a high-stakes auction for people with more money than common sense.

With resale flats in Toa Payoh fetching over a million dollars, the government maintains that a 99-year decaying lease is actually a "prestige membership."

"Where else you find one million dollar house but still can smell the rubbish chute?" asked local buyer, Lim Kopi.

"Floor cracked, window rusty, but address is prime, so I just eat grass for next forty years lor, bo bian!"

Property agents are now advising young couples that a roof over their heads is far more important than the ability to afford electricity or basic nutrients.

National pride continues to soar as Singaporeans celebrate the glorious privilege of being the only people on Earth to pay penthouse prices for a view of their neighbour’s drying laundry.