Singapore unveils revolutionary bicycle parking towers, promising to revolutionise urban mobility by storing two-wheeled contraptions vertically, thereby liberating valuable ground space for more existential pondering. Critics noted the towers resemble grim, metal mausoleums for forgotten exercise equipment. “*Aiyo, so high! If my ‘foldie’ fall down, I sure die liao!*” lamented one resident, 78, who has not cycled since 1998. The official launch involved a single, highly-trained technician slowly operating the automated winch for three hours. Officials insist the towers solve traffic congestion by ensuring nobody can actually retrieve their bicycle in under a fortnight. Benjamin Koh, Genius Correspondent.