Singapore’s property market has reached a new peak of insanity as a local speculator successfully flipped a corroded Tuas storeroom for the price of a private island.

The unit, which currently features a decorative puddle of toxic sludge and the lingering smell of despair, was marketed as a “high-yield, bespoke industrial sanctuary.”

“Wah lao, you don’t know ah, this one is pure gold mine sia,” the seller explained while polishing his diamond-encrusted calculator.

“Last time I buy cheap-cheap, now I sell five million, steady pom pi pi right?”

At current growth rates, a single rusty bolt in Sungei Kadut will soon be more valuable than a freehold bungalow in Sentosa Cove.

Desperate buyer Ah Huat lamented, “I just want place to put my tissue paper stock, but now I must sell my mother’s gold teeth just for the deposit.”

The authorities have responded by reminding citizens that inhaling industrial exhaust is merely a complimentary form of aromatherapy.