The nation’s premier “Ah Jie” has finally solved the mystery of human existence: it is made of treated canvas and costs four months of a peasant's salary.

In a moving interview, the veteran actress revealed that her first luxury purchase was more spiritually significant than any acting award or the birth of her children.

She explained that her collection of monogrammed luggage provides the emotional stability her three disappointing sons clearly lack.

“Aiyoh, this bag from her late mummy one leh,” sobbed a local fan, clutching a soggy plastic grocery bag.

“Last time my mother only give me rattan cane, her mother give her heritage cow skin, so touching sia!”

The star confirmed that if she dies, her ashes must be stored in a limited-edition trunk to ensure her soul remains on-brand.