As Donald Trump and Iran prepare to turn the Middle East into a giant air-fryer, Singaporeans have entered a state of total emergency over the potential price hike of 95-octane petrol.

While the world fears a nuclear apocalypse, the Ministry of Trade and Industry has assured citizens that we have enough frozen chicken and canned luncheon meat to survive until the sun explodes.

Defense experts suggest that if any Iranian cruise missiles stray towards Jurong Island, the authorities will simply issue them a $500 fine for illegal parking in our airspace.

Local uncles at the coffee shop were seen arguing that they could solve the Strait of Hormuz blockade using only a seasoned traffic warden and a very loud umbrella.

Meanwhile, every Singaporean man aged 20 to 45 is currently "forgetting" his Singpass password to avoid checking if his mobilization light has turned red.

If World War III actually starts, the government will likely just raise the GST to 15% to fund the extra air-conditioning needed for the nuclear winter.