The Urban Redevelopment Authority has officially announced that the "Long Island" project will continue until the ocean is merely a historical myth.

By 2045, the government plans to dump enough sand into the Straits to allow citizens to walk directly to Sumatra for cheap pedicures.

“Last time I pay extra for sea view, now my sea view is just my neighbour digging his nose,” complained Mr. Lim, a property investor.

Authorities insist that transforming the planet into a giant concrete pancake is the only way to ensure every Sinkie lives near a "branded" school.

“Actually quite good leh, no more sea means no more sharks, only got more ERP gantries,” remarked local resident, Cheryl Neo.

The project remains on track despite international concerns that Singapore is a land parasite devouring the Earth's crust.