The Land Transport Authority has officially transitioned from a regulatory body into a world-class financial dominatrix.

New high-frequency ERP gantries will now adjust rates every three seconds to ensure motorists experience maximum fiscal trauma during peak hour.

"Wah lau, now drive pass gantry also must pray to CPF," remarked frustrated driver, Gary Low.

"Last time only two dollar, now the beep sound louder than my mother-in-law's nagging, sibeh jialat man."

Officials claim the increased charges are necessary to fund the research and development of a gantry that can sense and tax impure thoughts.

By 2025, the government hopes to achieve a seamless "Pay-As-You-Breathe" model for all road users.

This initiative ensures that the only thing flowing faster than the traffic is the liquid cash out of a Sinkie’s bank account.