The Monetary Authority of Singapore has officially replaced the national anthem with a 24-hour livestream of Jerome Powell’s breathing patterns.

Local resident Tan Ah Kow recently attempted to sign over his remaining lifespan to the Federal Reserve in exchange for a 0.5% mortgage rate cut.

"Every time that botak American man open mouth, my bank account cry until no more tears," Tan remarked while clutching a printed chart of the 3-month SORA.

"Last time I can buy steak, now I only can smell the air outside Lau Pa Sat because the mortgage interest eat all my money liao," he added.

Banks have responded to the crisis by offering a new ‘Forever Debt’ package that allows your great-grandchildren to continue paying for your shoebox apartment.

"Don’t pray-pray ah, if the rate go up again, I think I stay in Mandai forest better," Tan concluded.