A groundbreaking study by the Institute of Academic Overkill has confirmed that group tuition is 40% more effective than private sessions, provided students are forced to compete for oxygen.

While private tuition offers bespoke mental scarring, the group setting fosters a “Hunger Games” environment where the weakest student is eventually sacrificed to the nearest Merlion.

“Private tutor so sian, like he only got me to judge, no variety,” remarked Primary 3 student, Cayden Teo.

“In group class, I see my friend cry because he cannot do math, then I feel like I got chance to win the PSLE war lor!”

Local mother Mdm Tan remains unconvinced, preferring the “enhanced interrogation” style of a one-on-one session.

“If I pay two hundred bucks an hour, I want the tutor to stare until my son’s soul leaves his body, not share the trauma with five other useless kids lah,” she hissed while sharpening a 2B pencil.