Local banks have unveiled the "Supreme Saver Tier," designed to reward loyal citizens with a staggering 0.0001% interest rate.

To qualify for this windfall, customers must navigate a labyrinth of conditions including spending $5,000 on luxury paper clips and performing a backflip in the lobby.

"Wah lau, last time only need credit salary, now must buy insurance for my pet cockroach just to get three cents," complained local resident Tan Ah Kow.

Financial analysts suggest the new rates are calibrated to ensure your life savings possess the purchasing power of a used tissue by next Tuesday.

"I so happy leh, bank give me five cents bonus, can buy one-quarter of a plain prata liao," shouted another saver while sobbing uncontrollably.

Meanwhile, bank executives are celebrating record profits by using the tears of the middle class as a refreshing mixer for their vintage scotch.