The Land Transport Authority has unveiled a revolutionary "Body-for-Certificate" scheme to help the average Singaporean manage the skyrocketing costs of vehicle ownership.

Under the new guidelines, citizens can now trade non-essential internal organs for a Category A COE, provided the donor can still physically reach the accelerator pedal.

With prices reaching levels that make luxury yachts look like bargain-bin purchases, the government insists that car ownership remains a privilege reserved for the uniquely hollowed-out.

"Liddat very fair what, one lung only can get ten-year paper, damn steady pom pi pi," said local motorist Tan Ah Beng, while gasping through an oxygen tank.

"Last time need to work until heart attack to buy car, now just give LTA the heart directly, save so much time and effort lor!"

Transport analysts predict that by 2026, the only way to afford a Honda Civic will be to donate your entire skeletal system.