Singapore’s pavements have officially become the new Sepang Circuit as authorities struggle to catch 19-year-old "grandpas" on modified mobility scooters.

These chariots, equipped with dual motors and neon lights, allow the lazy to bypass traffic while blasting techno at ear-splitting decibels.

Despite possessing the torque of a Tesla, owners insist they are merely "fragile elders" with severe allergies to walking.

"Brother, my scooter not fast lah, only 60km/h nia, I need for my back pain because my gold chain too heavy," said rider, Jason Lim.

The LTA is considering installing mandatory spikes to ensure these high-speed wheelchairs finally provide the actual physical trauma the riders are faking.

"Steady pom pi pi, he zoom past like F1, almost make me see my ancestors early," one pedestrian remarked.