The Ministry of Social Development has unveiled a new curriculum designed to help Singaporean women extract maximum liquidity from ageing property moguls.

Dubbed the ‘High-Net-Worth Leeching Framework’, the course covers vital skills like faking interest in vintage wine and crying on command inside Cartier.

Local expert, Cheryl Tan, believes the standard of local gold digging has slipped since the rise of boring 'independent' careers.

“Aiyoh, these girls now very weak, want to work for money? Bodoh one!” Cheryl remarked while polishing her 5-carat diamond.

“I tell you ah, if he don’t have Black Card, he is just a glorified beggar, don’t waste my time can or not?”

Graduates of the program will receive a government-verified certificate that guarantees their ability to bankrupt a Ridout Road resident within three financial quarters.

Failure to secure a Porsche by the second date results in immediate deportation to a windowless room in Tuas.