SFA launched a high-stakes investigation in Bedok after a woman successfully bypassed the "No Pets" rule by claiming her poodle is a human toddler with a severe skin condition.

The elite hygiene squad descended upon the food centre to ensure no canine particles contaminated the sanctity of the plastic furniture.

The owner, an entitled pet-parent, was reportedly seen feeding the "child" noodles directly from her spoon.

"Why you so mean? My boy-boy just got a bit more hair only," the owner screamed at a terrified witness.

"He listen better than your own kids, and he never even ask for mobile phone!"

SFA inspectors eventually found nothing, as the dog had already left to register for primary school.