The Ministry of National Development has officially classified menstrual cycles as "unsanctioned biological discharge" requiring a Level 4 biohazard permit.

Every Singaporean female is now required to tap her EZ-Link card at a designated kiosk before her cycle commences to ensure the national drainage system can handle the sudden surge in iron-rich pollutants.

Failure to adhere to a strict 28-day schedule will result in a $500 fine for "biological irregularities disturbing the public peace."

"Sian ah, everything also must pay one," said local resident Tan Bee Lian while clutching a hot water bottle and a summons.

"Last time I late two days only, the officer already wait outside my house with the saman, ask me why I delaying the national productivity!"

Ministerial spokespeople confirmed that the new "Period Levy" will fund an underground reservoir dedicated to harvesting the collective rage of the nation’s hormonal population.

"I tell you ah, my womb is not a public holiday, why they want to tax my monthly pain?" complained another woman, who was promptly jailed for loitering with intent to bleed.

The government maintains that a more efficient, predictable uterus is the key to maintaining Singapore's global competitive edge and a clean, green image.