Holland Village regular Cheryl Tan has officially declared her new boyfriend, a pasty 44-year-old recruiter named Nigel, the absolute pinnacle of human evolution.

Despite Nigel possessing the charisma of a damp tea towel and a forehead currently peeling from a ten-minute walk to the taxi stand, Cheryl insists his "Western perspective" is life-changing.

Cheryl spent the afternoon at a Robertson Quay bistro nodding intensely as Nigel explained that Singapore is "actually quite hot."

"Eh, his face look like crushed prawn cracker but she say he 'rugged' and 'distinguished' leh," remarked former friend, Joleen.

"She even start talking with that fake British accent once he buy the third pint of Tiger beer, damn cringe sial."

Cheryl remains undeterred, confident that Nigel’s inability to navigate a food court is a charming sign of his high-status international upbringing.