Local socialite Cheryl Tan has become the first Singaporean woman to undergo a radical procedure replacing her biological heart with a vintage Dior Saddle Bag.

Doctors at the Orchard Road Aesthetic Centre confirmed the transplant was successful, noting that her pulse is now measured in retail value rather than beats per minute.

“Eh, life is short, but the waitlist for this bag is longer, so why not just make it part of me?” said Cheryl, while aggressively fanning herself with a stack of $1,000 notes.

The procedure, which cost more than a Sentosa Cove penthouse, ensures that Cheryl will never feel a lack of validation as long as gold-toned hardware remains in fashion.

“Last time my heart always ache for boyfriends, now only ache when I see someone carrying the same season’s clutch, damm sian sia,” she added while buffing her sternum with a microfibre cloth.

Critics suggest the procedure is vain, but Cheryl’s Instagram engagement has increased by 4,000%, proving that a hollow chest is a small price to pay for a leather-bound soul.

Cheryl is currently seeking a surgeon willing to replace her lungs with Louis Vuitton dust bags to ensure she only breathes in the scent of pure status.