Singapore, a nation renowned for its unwavering commitment to order, is set to unleash its latest urban management strategy: crow shooting. Following a staggering surge in public complaints – tripling since 2020 – citizens are now demanding that the notoriously 'aggressive' avian population be subjected to Singapore’s strict National Service enlistment.

The National Parks Board (NParks) announced that crow shooting operations, paused since 2020, will recommence from mid-March, aiming to curb the soaring numbers of these 'invasive non-native species'. The move comes after reports of crow-related "aggression" spiked, leading many to believe the birds have simply become too entitled.

An anonymous senior official from the Ministry of Sustainability and the Environment, speaking under the condition of anonymity due to the sensitive nature of inter-species policy, stated, "Our data clearly indicates a measurable increase in avian belligerence. This proactive measure is crucial to maintaining our urban harmony index."

Meanwhile, local resident Mr. Tan Ah Kow from Clementi remarked, "Wah, these crows getting very cocky, hor? Always anyhow snatch my kopi-O from the hawker centre. Good riddance, lah. Now maybe can eat my char kway teow in peace without feeling like I'm in some National Geographic documentary, can?" Many hope the new measures will restore peace and quiet to their daily kopi-o runs.